The King’s Gift

There’s a Sucker Born Every Minute

The Magic Mirror Salesman

Dagmar sat in the saddle of his horseless broom as it hovered outside the driveway. 3 foot long blades of rust leaf hung drying in the barn. A small dogcat roarbarked as it tugged at it’s chain.

The farm house had two floors and was bigger than most. A heavy strand of garlic hung above the porch. A large X was on the door. People were still talking about the young girl who had been taken last week.

Damn blood suckers, he thought.

Dagmar slowly floated down the driveway on his broom, as a large man casually stepped out the front door holding a Trismegestus-45. The cobalt blue blunderbuss had a wide mouth that funneled down. It was a nasty wand that could shoot anything stuffed down its sizable barrel. The bigger it was, the shorter the range, with the converse being true as well.

“Mister, you ought to have a right good excuse for stepping on my property, cause you’re about to get a chestful of garlic rock salt,” said the large man. He turned his head and spit a fat glob of rust leaf juice onto the ground.

Dagmar stopped and held his hands up in the air. “Good day to you sire! I’m Dagmar Honeywell, of the Magic Mirror Company…”

“We don’t want any,” said the bull of a man.

A teenage boy stepped out of the barn holding a long, thin willow branch. That was a Paracelsus-22. It shot sizzling green bolts of energy that hit you like a mule kick. “Why don’t ya at least test him pa?”

“I said we don’t want any,” said Wilbur.

A call came from deep within the house. “Now honey, that’s no way to treat a stranger who was kind enough to come out here all this way to our little farmstead.”

“Annabelle, I told you to stay inside. And I know why you’re calling me honey. You want me to spend coin.”

“Now Wilbur, ya know that ain’t true. I’m looking to save coin,” said a smiling, skinny woman as she also stepped onto the porch, wiping her hands on her apron. “If’n he is one of them magic mirror salesmen, we can watch the Belman Crawl from here.”

What she really meant was that her husband wouldn’t be able to gamble away their hard earned money in a game of Bones.

Besides, more and more countryfolk were staying away from that cursed fertility rite.

Every year children were kidnapped. Folks said it was blood sacrifice. That would have been fine, if it were true. Blood sacrifice was intensely powerful. Nothing was a greater privilege, or gift, than the life one gave for the betterment of others.

It was what the Belman Crawl was all about, after all. Crawlers knew their sacrifice was important. It insured the fertility of Belman over the coming year.

But when your kid just disappeared…that was different. It was an unwilling sacrifice, devoid of meaning and a waste of precious life.

Dagmar extended his hand to show he didn’t have a weapon in it, as was the custom of knights. Wilbur’s hand wrapped around his, like a corn snake wrapping around a mouse, then squeezed. Dagmar felt his bones buckle under the withering grip, but he didn’t flinch. It was important that he not show weakness, lest he lose this man’s respect.

You got this buddy. C’mon! Man up bitch. You got this!

“Well looks like you can feel pain,” said the ox of a man as he turned to walk in the front door.

This was a common test among countryfolk. Vamps wouldn’t wince because they didn’t feel pain, and he’d passed it.

Dagmar hesitated, unsure of whether or not to follow.

Wilbur turned and looked at him with a blank expression.

“It would be impolite to come inside your home without being invited,” said Dagmar.

“That’s true,” said Wilbur as he stared expectantly at Dagmar.

Dagmar looked uncomfortable. Bloodsuckers couldn’t enter a home uninvited so this must be a second test. He cautiously put one foot in the front door, then stepped inside.

“Wilbur Binibag,” said the large man as he put down his wand. “We’re all on edge around here on account of what happened to the Nistler’s little girl, Annie, last week.”

“It was a damn shame,” said Dagmar.

“I don’t know what I would do if I lost a kid,” said Wilbur, his voice filled with anguish. “They’re just getting to the age where they can milk cows and weed fields. My oldest can drive a cart into town on his own. I don’t know what I would do without them, but I’d have to do a damn site more work, that’s for sure.”

“Now honey, where are your manners?” said Annabelle. “Dagmar, there’s a peg by the door where you can hang your things,” she said, before heading into the kitchen.

“We’re having porcini pudding!” said a friendly, fearless redheaded girl. She was in a calico dress. Pigtails flopped about on either side of her head. Her left arm hung in a sling.

“Now Cassie, don’t bother the nice man,” said Annabelle.

“Sounds like a meal fit for a king,” said Dagmar. “I am most grateful for your fine and generous hospitality,” he said, as he hung up his coat.

Dinner With the Family

Wilbur sat fuming.

This is going to end with me buying one of them newfangled mirrors. I understand that women need mirrors to look pretty, but these mirrors are for more than that. They’re for putting your nose into other people’s business and spying on people on the other side of the shire.

It would be nice if he could get the Tri-Via news every day. Better still he could learn how to increase crop production and watching fishing shows. He did so love fish.

The family sat solemnly around the table. There was a deep quiet, as they took a moment of reverence. Then they crossed their pointer fingers in front of them, to ward off evil, before taking each others hands. They made sure to look into each other’s eyes. Dagmar gave his humblest gaze. Wilbur’s face looked like it had been carved out of stone.

“Oh great Goddess Mycelia…thank you for not growing under our toenails and for connecting us with opportunity. May we better serve you,” said Wilbur.

Dagmar felt a sudden overwhelming joy and sense of connection with these kindred spirits. The walls at the edge of his self dropped off as each of the devotees dove into the unified field of being and became one in the web of life.

“Thank you for connecting us with the outside world,” said Annabelle, as she gave Dagmar a warm, gap-toothed smile.

“Thank you for the chance to see far away places like Belman,” said Cassie, as she cradled her arm in its sling.

Then it was Dagmar’s turn. He paused and said, “Thank you for the chance to eat a meal fit for the King.”

“So morel it be,” said everybody.

Dagmar took his first bite. The garlic was strong as he chewed the savory pillow of joy. Maybe Annabelle had used some of that legendary, country magic to enhance the flavor of the food.

Then the complexity of the flavors hit him like a run away ox cart.

Fresh basil, a fine cheddar, rich butter, caramelized onions, and oh my gods and goddesses, those tomatoes.

He winced, as a mouthgasm swept through his body.

“Blessed be Mycelia!” he sang.

“Best cook in the shire,” said Wilbur in a muffled voice, as he grabbed his wife around the waist and hugged her. Then he was shoveling his food into his face faster than fire could eat a barn full of dry hay. Annabelle smiled as she gave the ox of a man a second helping.

“How do magic mirrors work?” blurted out Cassie.

“Don’t bother the nice man while he’s eating,” said Annabelle.

Dagmar flicked his wrist. “It’s not a problem, really, “ said Dagmar. “Well, young lady, mirrors are the ends of a tunnel. The magical element of light travels through them,” said Dagmar humbly.

“What’s light?” asked the curious Cassie.

“Light is a magical element made of tiny paintbrushes that come from Sungod, the Source of All Light, and the Source of All Life.

“Wood gives off light, and that doesn’t come from the sun,” said Jack. He was the eldest of the five children, the one who had been packing the Paracelsus-22.

“Plants trap the sunlight and make it into their body,” said Dagmar. “When you burn wood it releases that light back out into the world.”

“You sure are smart,” said Cassie with her warm friendly grin. “My mind is exploding with realsatiation!”

“Realization,” corrected Annabelle.

“Little paintbrushes. Really?” asked 3 of 5, a boy named Chance.

“Yes. When the paintbrush hits something, it picks up a little dollop of its color, that’s like paint. Then they fly back through the hole in your eye, the pupil, and hit the canvas at it’s back, where they paint a picture of the world . Everybody’s eyes get hit with different brushes, and that’s why we all see the world differently,” continued Dagmar.

“What happens when it hits a mirror? What color does it reflect?” asked Wilbur, who had finished wolfing down his dinner and was looking for more. For all he was eating, the man didn’t have an ounce of fat on him.

“Mirrors are unlike any other material. The new silver mirrors don’t capture any color, which is why their reflection is so bright, unlike say water which reflects, but does so poorly.

“When I was growing up, hand mirrors cost a year’s wages. Nobody could afford them. When the Technomagi figured out how to make silver mirrors, it became easier to make them, and the costs went down. Now there is a hand mirror in every household,” said Wilbur proudly.

“It launched the Beauty Revolution,” said Annabelle.

“Momma, is that why you look so purty?” asked Chance.

Annabelle smiled at her son. “Ya little, silver tongued devil,” she cooed as she stroked his curly hair. “Have some more porcini pudding.”

Dagmar pushed back from the table. Like the others, he was now finished with his meal. Smiling he said, “Hand mirrors made it affordable for folks to see themselves as never before. They also made us feel less connected. Prior to the hand mirror revolution, people had only seen their face reflected in water. We still felt like we were one, a part of something bigger. Now we can see our own face, and we feel more disconnected from each other. But magic mirrors are fixing that,” said Dagmar. “They are reconnecting us.”

“Fortunately, the High King commanded his Mathemagicians to join forces with the Technomagi to harness the power of Mycelia to connect the kingdom. It’s hard to explain so let me show you,” said Dagmar. He pulled a tall mirror from a short bag of Bag of Holding. It was the length of his forearm.

“How environmentally friendly,” thought Annabelle. “I could put a lot of groceries in a bag like that.”

The King’s Gift

The kids oooohhed as a ruggedly handsome face appeared on the screen. Then their jaws dropped open in wonder.

“Hear ye! Hear ye! I am Tellie, your mirror spirit, and I have a message from the King himself.” The face dissolved to show the King draped in bling-bling-kaching. Fat jewels glistened from around his neck, and the reds, greens and blues of the rubies, emeralds and sapphires in his crown were clearly visible.

“My beloved peasants, be joyful. A great day has come. Our unity was torn asunder with the discovery of the hand mirror. I, King Donoman the Fifth, by royal decree, bade my technomagi to find a way to use hand mirrors to reunite us. After decades of research they have done it, connecting hand mirrors with the magic of the Goddesses Mycelia and Arachne. Today I am announcing this revolutionary technomagic which shall forever heretofore be known as FarSight.”

“FarSight links all magic mirrors together. It is easy and convenient to use, and has no bad side effects. With your new magic mirror you will be able to find out what the weather will be two days from now, so you can prepare to save your crops. You can even take lessons from the Ministry of Agriculture to show you how to be more prosperous.”

Wilbur took his eyes off the mirror for a second to look at his kids. They were enthralled. Wilbur didn’t want to make a fool of himself, but he wanted to ask How does a head talk without a body? How did they shrink that man and put him inside a mirror?

“Now for a special announcement,” boomed the king’s voice. The room grew quiet.

“The King’s Magi have divined that your house holds a Child of Promise. This child is exceptionally gifted, and will receive a free education in the technomagical arts, where they will learn the language the gods used to create reality.”

The kids all turned to look at Pod, who was 5 of 5, or the youngest. Pod just smiled with huge, adoring eyes that asked “What are you all looking at? ” But they all knew strange things had started happening around here ever since he was born.

The King continued, “That’s also why you have been selected to receive a special offer. If your family chooses to install their magic mirror today, you may pay for your subscription with attention. Instead of almost freezing while you stare up up at the stars at night or being bored watching clouds slowly pass by, all you have to do is spend time doing important things on your new magic mirror. Fare thee well citizen. Make us proud.” The King waved gracefully, then disappeared.

Dagmar stepped in front of the mirror. “I know it’s a lot to take in, but what do you think?”

Never accept gifts from strangers, thought Wilbur, but he held his tongue. This was too good to be true. Their children would get the best education possible, without spending a copper. What would his neighbors do if they found out? Would they get jealous?

“I understand if it’s hard to find words. I can step outside if you wish to discuss it,” said Dagmar.

Jamie’s hand shot up in the air. “Why were we selected?”

“You are blessed by Mycelia,” said Dagmar. “We believe one of you children will make a great difference to this country.”

“Who is it?”

“That is a mystery. All I can say is, we will watch how you use the magic mirror to see who learns the quickest, who learns the deepest and who is best at seeing connections.”

“How will you do that?” asked Cassie.

“Technomagic,” said Dagmar. “It is impossible to understand. Even I don’t understand it.”

“I think it’s Pod,” said Cassie.

“Now now children, Mr. Dagmar said it could be any of you.”

“How does the mirror work?” asked Jamie.

“Simply ask it anything you want,” said Dagmar.

“I want to see the capital market,” said Cassie as she jumped up and down enthusiastically.

“You start by saying Mirror Mirror on the Wall, now it’s time to make a call,” said Dagmar. “Then you say what you want to see with the magic words Show me the Tri-Via.”

“I hear your command master, and will carry your messages through the winds of the ether.”

Would the mirror call me master if I buy it? wondered Wilbur. I always wanted to be called master. Nobody calls me master, not even my wife.

The mirror surface shimmered like water in a pool, and then there was the entrance to the capital, with the color hustle and bustle of the great market outside its gates.

“How does it see?” asked Jamie.

“They are called the Eyes of Dagoth. There are more and more of them every day. Soon you will be able to see anyplace and talk with anyone.”

Wilbur was stuck between Airaq and a hard place. You didn’t turn down gifts from the King, but this could be dangerous. He knew he was unbelievably lucky, but he didn’t know if the luck was good, bad or both.

The next thing Wilbur knew Dagmar was installing the family’s first Magic Mirror. He’d upgraded to the bigger, deluxe model, which cost a little more time, but it was tall enough you could see most of your body in it. It had multiple reflective modes including True Mirror and Fun House. Also, it was lightweight, weighing only twenty-three pounds.

Wilbur stood in front of it, admiring his large paunch as Dagmar worked.

Wow I never knew I looked so wealthy, he thought. It was a sign of his prosperity that he was well fed.

Dagmar put on his blue-green aether glasses to make sure the mirror was configured properly. Green metallic worms flew in and out of the mirror. They were feeding on the children’s time and attention, then disappearing back into the aether net port on the side of the mirror. “Looks like everything is ready. Let me show you how it works.”

Iconic pictures popped up on the screen. One was a field with a little man hoeing rows to plant seeds.

“Is that a pharming game?” asked Jamie.

“How do you know that boy?” asked Wilbur.

“Tommie Tinmann plays one. He make real money growing food in the Magic Lands for rich kids who build imaginary kingdoms.”

All I know is ash, thought Wilbur. I know nothing of what is real.

It was a good litany for this day and age. Things were changing as fast as a hawk diving for prey.

“Click that big M,” said Dagmar. “That’s Magebook. You can use it to reach out to friends who have magic mirrors.”

“Can I touch them?” asked Cassie.

“No, you don’t actually connect. You just reach out. You can’t see or hear them, but you can see pictures of what they have done recently,” said Dagmar.

“It’s called s-Mail. It’s fast and easy, so you have to be careful. If you cast a spell without thinking, it might be poorly worded and cause all sorts of trouble. So craft and cast your spells well.”

“Twit-Err is where folks go to send small spells. The messages can’t be more than 150 characters which is about as much as any of them can spell. Although they do share a lot of news there. ”

The kids spent the rest of the night playing with the new mirror.

Sucker

The next morning Dagmar was preparing to leave. He had spent the night sleeping in the barn on a pile of hay, wrapped in his warm travel cloak, given that it was dangerous to travel at nights in these parts.

“Thanks again for the hospitality,” said Dagmar bowing at the doorway. “You keep a lovely home and are a most gracious hostess.”

“Thank you kind sir. We are eternally grateful. Come back any time and have some of my porcini pudding,” said Annabelle, smiling widely.

Dagmar stopped and touched the rope of garlic hanging outside the door, and made the sign of the X over his chest. “I hope they catch and kill that dirty bloodsucker,” he said. “Terrible thing that.”

“Indeed. Again thank you for paying us a visit,” said Wilbur. “Your gift was most generous and we will be forever in your debt.”

Dagmar smiled and clasped the man’s hand. “You are most welcome. I bid thee farewell.”

Dagmar smiled to himself as he floated down the road on his broom steed.

Everybody loved Magebook and it loved them.

He thought of the timesuk daemons he had watched leaving through the house walls. They were little plumpers, gorged on children’s time and attention.

When the leeches were full, they would go back to Head Quarters. There they would regurgitate the attention and time into vats, which alchemists would then distill it into pure time to feed the Magebook daemon, the fastest growing daemon in the land.

As a reward the leeches were fed their favorite food — children’s dreams smothered in crispy “hopes for the future”.

It was so pernicious and delicious.

He wanted to laugh out loud, but he only snickered.

Soon they wouldn’t be able to pay attention. They would stop going outside to play by streams. Chasing snakes in the grass would become boring, and playing with bugs would be scary. They would “reach out” to ghost images of their friends, as if they were going to connect, but they never would.

That was the cleverest part of all.

Connecting is when you can touch somebody and look in their eyes. This “reaching out” bullshit was like a toneless voice whispering in your ear.

And they ate it up like flies on shit.

Whatevs. Wilbur had invited him in, even if he didn’t explicitly state it, and demz were da rules.

If they invite you in, with words or body language, all bets are off.

Smiling he thought, Time to wake up boys and girls. There’s a new nightmare in town.

Don’t worry, we won’t murder any innocents.

Not when they can be turned into time cows and milked for the rest of their lives.

We’re the Time Vampires. We’re a new breed of daemon, with a new master. There has never been anything like us before. We will feed you shadows and ghosts and nightmares and you will eat them by the bowlful. We’ll fill you up, but you’ll always feel strangely empty. You’ll eat ghost meals, instead of the real deal.

And all you have to do is let us give you everything you want.

— — —

I put a fukton of work into writing these. Now it’s your turn to give back. I would appreciate it if you give me a clap and share this with a friend so I can grow my audience. Thanks!

Explore the technomagical world of the Belman Chronicles in these other installments:

Kragnar the Barbarian — Kragnar goes hunting for the most valuable bushmeat in the kingdom, at the Belman Crawl.

Why Cheesus is My Lord and Savor — Dinosaurs, asteroids and the reason we can love.

The Strange Gift — There’s a sucker born every minute.

The Butterfly’s Shitstorm — Monster right’s activists’ small actions have big consequences when they help free a gobblin.